Thursday, April 17, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Three Films That Would Be Better Than The Bucket List
I think Rob Reiner has lost his thunder.
Undoubtedly one of the best directors of the '80s (Stand By Me, Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally), he has fallen quite far. And hell, he even co-wrote the first episoder of Happy Days! Yep, things we're looking rosy for Carl Reiner's kid... until South Park pointed out his affinity for club sandwiches:
Since then, he's directed three films:
Alex & Emma - Fyodor Dostoevsky must be rolling in his intimidating monstrosity of a Russian grave knowing that this piece of poop is loosely based on his life:
Rumor Has It - I'll just quote the last two lines of its Wikipedia page on this one.
Undoubtedly one of the best directors of the '80s (Stand By Me, Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally), he has fallen quite far. And hell, he even co-wrote the first episoder of Happy Days! Yep, things we're looking rosy for Carl Reiner's kid... until South Park pointed out his affinity for club sandwiches:
Since then, he's directed three films:
Alex & Emma - Fyodor Dostoevsky must be rolling in his intimidating monstrosity of a Russian grave knowing that this piece of poop is loosely based on his life:
Rumor Has It - I'll just quote the last two lines of its Wikipedia page on this one.
Determined to win Jeff back, Sarah flies back to New York City and tells Jeff of her feelings. They eventually make up.
As the movie closes, we see Sarah and Jeff's wedding.
Whoops, forgot to say "spoiler alert". Apologies.
The Bucket List - Surely the most cliched, trite film ever made, telling the story of two old guys (Starring Jack Nicholson as Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as Morgan Freeman) from different racial and socioeconomic backgrounds (guess which one's poor!) who become best buds because they're both dying from cancer. They set off to do all those fun things they've always wanted to do, because cancer time is happy fun time, apparently!
There is a very long list of films I would rather see than The Bucket List. In fact, there's a whole Wikipedia page on it! With this in mind, I even made up a few of my own that I'd rather see:
The Fuck It List
Jack Pickleson (About Clit, Wanger Management) and the famously liverspotted Morgan Creamin' (The Sum of All Rears, March of the Sexy Penguins) team up as a pair of affable, dying sex addicts, who pledge to travel around the world and sleep with all the hot women they never got a chance to bone. It would surely push the envelope on the Interracial Old Guy Threesome genre. Co-starring Kathy Bates.
The Suck It List
Shawn Michaels and Triple H are both dying of cancer, when they remember their glory days as D-Generation X, telling hicks and middle schoolers all around the globe to "Suck It!" while simultaneously giving their signature crotch chop. They reunite and pledge to spend their dying days homoerotically crotch chopping a whole slew of people who never got to see the DX magic; a Suck It swan song, if I may.
Highlights include telling Dakota Fanning and Vladimir Putin to suck it, simultaneously.
The Mr. Bucket List
Sadly, this one isn't a buddy flick. Feeling abandoned by the Chicken Limbo chicken and the gator from Gator Golf, and diagnosed with cancer, Mr. Bucket sets off on a last hurrah of ball-popping. Unfortunately, he gets into trouble after he is jailed by a Thai prince for attempting to pop his Katamari. While in prison, Mr. Bucket is forced to star in numerous Internet snuff films while his cancer (testicular, ironically enough) eats away at him. Directed by Oliver Stone.
There is a very long list of films I would rather see than The Bucket List. In fact, there's a whole Wikipedia page on it! With this in mind, I even made up a few of my own that I'd rather see:
The Fuck It List
Jack Pickleson (About Clit, Wanger Management) and the famously liverspotted Morgan Creamin' (The Sum of All Rears, March of the Sexy Penguins) team up as a pair of affable, dying sex addicts, who pledge to travel around the world and sleep with all the hot women they never got a chance to bone. It would surely push the envelope on the Interracial Old Guy Threesome genre. Co-starring Kathy Bates.
The Suck It List
Shawn Michaels and Triple H are both dying of cancer, when they remember their glory days as D-Generation X, telling hicks and middle schoolers all around the globe to "Suck It!" while simultaneously giving their signature crotch chop. They reunite and pledge to spend their dying days homoerotically crotch chopping a whole slew of people who never got to see the DX magic; a Suck It swan song, if I may.Highlights include telling Dakota Fanning and Vladimir Putin to suck it, simultaneously.
The Mr. Bucket List
Sadly, this one isn't a buddy flick. Feeling abandoned by the Chicken Limbo chicken and the gator from Gator Golf, and diagnosed with cancer, Mr. Bucket sets off on a last hurrah of ball-popping. Unfortunately, he gets into trouble after he is jailed by a Thai prince for attempting to pop his Katamari. While in prison, Mr. Bucket is forced to star in numerous Internet snuff films while his cancer (testicular, ironically enough) eats away at him. Directed by Oliver Stone.
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